Confidence

It’s really hard for me to love myself, hell, even like myself most of the time. I have a horrible case of cystic acne and I’ve gained 30 pounds since having baby #3. I try to talk to my husband about things but I get absolutely nowhere and certainly no empathy from him. No. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. But, a simple “I’m sorry you’re going through this and I love you ” would be fucking fantastic. I used to feel confident. At the time I felt the most confident, I couldn’t even convince myself it was self confidence. At the time, I’d explain it as having a good day. Now, I just feel stressed, ugly, and way out of shape. I don’t even know how to change it. I hear from my best friend that I’m pretty and not to worry about the weight I’ve gained. My family would say “you were too skinny anyway”. So I’ve adapted by saying “yes, too skinny, disgustingly skinny”. At this point in my life, I’m supposed to be teaching my daughter how to love herself and not to care what other people think. How can I do this if deep down, I care what people think. I’ve almost all but given up wearing makeup or dressing up. The makeup makes my acne look 100 times worse and also causes a few more breakouts at the same time.  I don’t dare try to wear any of my old clothes because they do not fit. I am lost. At 30, I feel like a worthless person going nowhere fast. 

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